there's gonna be play in school.. itsh about a greek character, orpheus, and his adbeyntyurs. tomorrow's the graaaaand audition. and hey, i wanna get the lead role. haha! so childish.ü dang.. i just miss the fuss about the costumes and the practices. shoot, i miss speaking in front of people as though they're just mere shadows in a blank room. i miss the way the world seems to revolve around the stage and all the actors in it. its not that im a super great actress (dang, i dont even know how to do drama!) and im not saying that i am the best actress there is. i just miss acting.. and everything that comes with it. maybe its because i get a certain feeling of pleasure and content knowing that everyone is just looking at me.. that at some point, i've touched their world without leaping out from mine.

whenever i join in plays, i become more sure of myself.. more intact with my real personal feelings.

just wanna act once more.

i got the role i auditioned for! yeah!ü pinch me. pinch me!!


my character:

orpheus - [or-fi-yus] - a greek character who loves music and playing his guitar is his life. he can make rocks dance and trees groove. how cool / weird is that?!

again, a male character. eversince i was in the second grade, i would always play male roles. except when they need yayas or girl weirdos/drug addicts. it is because of my skin?!?!?! i dunno. but im used to it.. just plain lovin it.

just finished reading our economics book. test bukas. dang.. never thought na magmumukhang sobrang haba ng tatlong tsapters. tsk.. nakakatulog na lang ako sa gitna ng aking pagbabasa... bat ganowwwn?! bat kasi ako nilikhang antukin!? nakakapanira ng buhay.. exumful?

- nakatulog ako sa isang quiz namin. nasa number 3 na kami (questions) tas pag gising ko, number 5 na. o, ha?! galeeeng.

- lagi akong tulog twing chemistry class namin nung 3rd year. anung napala ko?! wala. wala..

- pitong beses na akong pinipicturan ng tulog. ang sagwa. hindi kaaya-ayang tingnan.

- nung bata ako, natutulog ako sa bus. tas nakabukas ang bunganga ko. at anung nangyari!? pinapasukan na pla ng bolpen at rolled cartolina ng mga busmate ko ang aking precious mouth.

- tapos na ang test. so nakatulog nanaman ako. pag gising ko, may laway sa test paper koooo!!! sheeet. eh naka upo ako dun sa pinakalikod nung column namin. so, imaginin nalang kung anung klaseng kaguluhan ang nangyare.



candid moments.. this makes my life better.

haha! ang pamagat ko ngayo'y galing sa isang pelikula ni tita shawi.

sobrang kabangagan ang naranasan ko ngayon. dang. walang pumapasok sa utak ko. prang 3rd subject plang, pakiramdam ko, ilang oras na lamang ay dismissal na. and take note: 10 yung subjects namin... isang... malaking... parusa.

we had this exam kanina sa economics. tas dun sa last part, usually filled with essay questions, may tanong tungkol kay angelo dela cruz. actually, kung wala lang talagang moralidad at nationalism, i'd let him die. *gasp* kasamaaan!!! [mali ung words] pero, look, a country cant actually sacrifice its "future" just for one person. cant take that risk. and if we pull out the soldiers from their place, they'd get to think that they can control anyone.. using their own means. and that is, violence. and after that, theyd continue doing this, not only to us but unto other different countries. buti na lang sana kung ung ibang bansa'y tulad nating mahinhin.

----- pro kaya baka may tiwaling opisyal ngayon eh dahil sa ganito rin ang kanilang pananaw. hindi sila naniniwala sa moralidad o sa pagiging Pilipino. hmm... --

buti na lang may balyus tayo.ü buti na lang. because of these, we are still standing..

mabuhay ang Pinas! haha!ü [kulang na lang lumitaw si andres bonifacio sa likod ko't kumanta ng mambo magsaysay]

i am so confused right now.

we had this discussion kanina in religion class. itsh about angelo dela cruz and us-philippines relationship. about morality and life. about the lost sheep and leaving all the flock to find it.

i already know my stand in this issue. [please refer to previous entry] kahit ganun magsalita teacher ko, my belief reamains the same. its not about the economy or the benefits US will grant us. i dunno.. i think its about risking everyone for the sake of just one person. kung ako si angelo, i'd just let myself be killed. i mean, its for the country naman eh. id fight and die as a hero in my own terms. kung madadaan lang lahat sa mabuting usapan. kung lahat nagli-live-up sa mga tinuturo ng relihiyon nila. sadly, it doesn't really work that way...

sa lahat ng mga sinabi nung teacher namin, i suddenly felt that i was nothing. that i wasn't living up to what my religion teaches me. that i am not a true Christian. prang, she kept on saying na all Christians should have the same opinion as hers and if you actually contradict those ideas, you should then think about your personality and your faith. THAA FAAART!!! parang, ang sama ko namang tao. kabadtripan. was so down kanina. didn't know if i was actually in the right track..

nang nagsaboy ng powers si Papa God, nagkandarapa ang lahat ng nilalang.. hablot agad ang kanilang mga balde upang makakuha ng marame. bukas agad ng mga palad para madukot ang pinakamaganda. tulak sa mukhang marami nang naipon at pa-awa effect naman ang mga hindi nakakasiksik.

mula noon, naging iba- iba na ang sangkatauhan. iba't iba na rin ang powers na napoposses nila.

ngunit, teka. ano ito? may isang batang nakasalampak sa lupa't nagmumukmok. tinanung ni Papa God kung anung pangalan ng madungis na bata.

tingin sa taas.. punas ng uhog..

"..tina po, Papa God.."

hindi makita ng bata ang sariling powers niya. hinanap niya sa bulsa. wala. sa kili-kili. wala. sa medyas. wala.

sinuklay ni Papa God ang magulong buhok ng bata gamit ang kanyang magical hands. pinagpag ang lupa na dumikit sa blusa ng munting tina.

binuhat ni Papa God si tina mula sa pagkalugmok niya sa lupa't pinaramdam ang kanyang pagmamahal.

ngumiti ang batang tina, tiningnan ang sarili, ang pamilya at mga kaibigan.. at doon, nakita na niya ang kanyang magical powers.

so many people would say that im a person who is as weird as seeing a cow use a digital camera. that i am one person who wouldn't run out of happines to share. one person who is so silly. one who doesn't run out of crazy things to say and doesn't care if what she's doing makes her face look, ehem, quite ugly.

yep. thaaaats me.


but then, beneath that crazy exterior lies a weakling.. who has only happiness to hold on to.

i am shy. to those who know me, this fact will come as a shock.
i had a sad childhood.
in our eq test, i failed in the "ability to share own emotions" part.
my mind's frequently troubled.. restless..
i feel uncomfortable when im surrounded by annoying sounds and unproductive noise.
i don't have enough self-confidence.

funny isn't it? why someone who is so crazy, hyperactive and jumpy can prove to become otherwise.

i use my exuberant attitude as a prop. just a big prop. that's what's keeping me alive, i guess. wallowing in
negative feelings won't help me survive the things i am going through. it seems to me that that is my last resort.

i am not pastic. i really am a happy person. its just that, im not all happy. everyone has a dark side. this is what's mine.

raaaaaarrrrrr



..

algebra test today. 40 items in 40 mins. i point each. what craaaap!! dang. last night, i studied for this test. i actually studied for a math exam!! i answered most of the problems in our book and i actually got a pretty high score. just when i thought everything would work my way for once.... then, boom! algebra test.

everything's

just

crap.

i am not good in math. (and my father wants me to take up management major in economics in college... yeah, right.) whenever i receive my card grades, all my other subjects have nice smile-worthy scores... but math? bah, asa pa. im not good with numbers. i even only know 4 cell numbers for crying out loud!!!! and take note, 2 of them is my parents' and of course, mine. i hate seeing my math test papers full of red correction markings. it just confuses me even more. yep, i pass the subject.. i just dont really excell on it.

how i wish the exams are just like what we took when i was in third grade.

why are there such people who ruin your healthy life for you? just when you find sanity that's when they come in and cause madness. just when you feel that you're actually living life, they'd just do anything to kill it.

its pathetic.

it really is.

but does it matter? at least for me, it doesn't.
is it really a big deal? no, it isn't.

we have a nice life already. a life that is happy without them.



sungit!!!! haha!ü

a friend said this to me (dunno if he wrote this or just lifted it out from a song or something...)


in your last hour stand
you'll notice the one that you had loved and dreams is here among the others
chase it's you I want but if I can't have her
then why should I spend any more time in a world that's going to end pretty soon?
I need you now more than I ever did
I'll hand myself over for you
this comlink's lost its frequency and I feel that we're coming home short
here take me instead I'd rather not see her off alone

har har har!
jar jar jar!
tar tar tar!! haha! labo.ü

we had parade in oral english today. i was terpsichore.. the muse of dance... i was wearing this pink ballet costume.. yes, complete with ala-bathing suit top and flowy chiffon skaart.. imagine someone tall wearing that small pink girly thing...
well, my classmates wasn't able to take it.. naawa ata sa akin.. or alam nilang once in a purple moon lang nila akong makikitang ganun so.....

i won the 'Best Costume' award!!! hahahaha!!!üü

sabi na nga ba, ako dapat si helen of troy eh... ayoko naman kase baka mainsecure ung mga tao sa kagandahan ko.. oh, how humble of me to think of others!!!

pwe. magrerebolusyon na ata ang mga fruit treeeessss!!!

----------

may theme song kami ng aking seat mate hannah... ano iyon? ang intro ng naughty girl..
kanina, i brought my digital camera to school.. i told her that during our study period, we could take a video of ourselves singing our peyborits sowng. so, during our THE period, we practiced singing....

Tina and Hannah : haaaahhhh... lhuuv tooo lhhhuv yoo beybeehh
Tina: (closed her eyes, placed hand on ear) haaaaaaaahhhhh....
Ms. Nancy the THE teacher: Tina?! are you ok?!
**tina and hannah.. in shock.. dang! caught in the act!!!!!
Ms. Nancy the THE teacher: what happened?!?
Hannah: (quite confused with the question) um, ms, we were only singing....
Ms. Nancy the THE teacher: ahh... kala ko umiiyak si tina...

**whole class tawa

feel so tired..


just got home from our leadership training..
then, tomorrow, we'll go to laguna...
and i haven't even reviewed for the UPCAT... dang..

my checklist:

_ upcat review
_ physics test review
_ english paper
_ save money
_ liturgical committee visual plan

....accomplished: none so far...

wanna hug my sole refuge...